Running....

Lately, I've been thinking about running. I don't know why. But every commercial I watch seems to be something to do with running. My friends are posting on facebook about going for runs. And it goes on and on. So naturally, its on my mind. I then began to think about going through trials and brokenness.
You know that statement 'There are two kinds of people in the world'?
I really think thats true.
There are people who run to God and there are those that run from Him. When facing hurt, brokenness, trials or hardship, some press into God, run to Him for comfort, guidance, healing & restoration. Others blame Him, get angry with Him, make assumptions about Him and run away.
I want to be the first of those. I want to grab a hold of Him when I don't understand. I want to kneel at His feet when I am discouraged, hurting & broken and find wholeness in His presence. I want to run hard into His arms, knowing that He is the safest, most trustworthy place on earth that I can be.

You are tagged...

What I'm up to...

What I'm Reading (other than baby books & bible):


Around the house:

Decluttering & downsizing our house. Getting rid of books, dvd's, music, clothes, and STUFF!!


Planning Baby Room


Planning our May trip to the Island (which I'm 'slightly' excited about!)

Unredeemed

One of the best songs I have EVER heard....EVER! Wow!

'Unredeemed' (click on Title)

The cruelest world
The coldest heart
The deepest wound
The endless dark
The lonely ache
The burning tears
The bitter nights
The wasted years

Life breaks and falls apart
But we know these are
Places where grace is soon to be so amazing
It may be unfulfilled
It may be unrestored
But when anything that's shattered is laid before the Lord
Just watch and see
It will not be unredeemed

For every choice that led to shame
And all the love that never came
For every vow that someone broke
And every lie that gave up hope
We live in the shadow of the fall
But the cross says these are all
Places where grace is soon to be so amazing
It may be unfulfilled
It may be unrestored
But when anything that's shattered is laid before the Lord
Just watch and see
It will not be unredeemed

Places where grace is soon to be so amazing
It may be unfulfilled
It may be unrestored
But you never know the miracle the Father has in store
Just watch and see
It will not be
Just watch and see
It will not be unredeemed

Hey everyone! Well, if you somehow haven't heard (this I will find shocking, because my mother tells perfect strangers on the street)....you might not have heard the craziest and most incredible news of our year....

WE ARE

PREGNANT!!!!!

We are so full of joy and amazement! This is an answer to many years of prayer from many people who have heard our story and committed to praying for a miracle!
It is such a celebration for everyone who hears, partly because we have been pretty open about our infertility, so most people know that this is no ordinary thing!
One thing that Mark said after we found out was 'Not one prayer was unanswered. God heard every single one, and was storing them up for his perfect time!'
God is so amazing!

I haven't been updating much because we started a pregnancy blog for our friends and family to follow.
You can find us here!

We want to thank everyone who has thought, prayed for, encouraged & hugged us over our 8 year wait. We are so grateful for you! And we can't wait to share our blessing when it comes!

you know when you have those moments, those life-changing moments? those moments that radically shift your thinking and set you down a different path. one of those moments happened today.

i just finished my biggest loser bootcamp workout, and was just checking my facebook before i hopped in the shower. michelle aguilar (winner of biggest loser season 6) had updated. a while back, she had filmed a clip for the website 'i am second'. i watched the video again, and something broke in me. she said in the video that God began to strip her of her armor, which was her smile, and really make her face her battles. she said at the end, "when i came to the finale, i wasn't the same person who had started this journey. the scale would not define me, my weight would not define me, but all along, God was defining me!" something turned on in me.
and now that i can finally see through the tears, i am here to say.....

the scale will not define me
my weight will not define me
my insecurities will not define me
what i can do or not do will not define me
what i look like will not define me
impressing everyone will not define me

i will be defined by Jesus Christ. i will be defined in Him alone, because its in Him, that i have been made whole! i am a conqueror, because thats who He is in me!

Portion Guide

Vegetables from all colors of the rainbow are an important part of a healthy diet. A serving of cooked veggies is half a cup, or about the size of a baseball.


A one-cup serving of pasta or rice should be about the size of a tennis ball. You'll fill up faster on a serving of grains if you choose healthy whole grains whenever possible.

It takes about 850 peanuts to produce an 18-once jar of peanut butter, so a little of the stuff packs a powerful protein punch. Two tablespoons, about the size of a ping pong ball, is an appropriate serving size.

Don't go for a cartoon-sized stack of flapjacks – one compact disc-sized pancake is the recommended serving size.

One serving of meat is about three ounces, roughly the size of a deck of cards.


Dried fruit keeps longer than fresh fruit, but it also has 4 to 5 times the calories by weight. One serving of dried fruit is about 1/4 cup, or about the size of a large egg or golf ball.


A few cheese cubes and some fruit is the perfect mini-meal between lunch and dinner. To make sure you're noshing on the right amount, roll some dice. A serving of cheese is one ounce, or the size of six dice.


When not covered in cheese and sour cream, potatoes aren't hard on the waistline and are high in potassium and vitamins C and B6. A perfectly portioned baked potato should be about the size of a computer mouse.


Taken from The Food Network

A Coincidence....I think NOT!

There are two themes in this blog entry. Thyroid & Glyciemic Index. I hope this isn't a long post, but please stick with me, cause its pretty incredible.
When I was 18, I went with my friend to the naturopath. He told me that I had a thyroid problem, whether it was under or over functioning, I can't really remember. I almost promptly disregarded that information, and continued on with life. A few years later, during my first year of marriage, a lady told me that she was pretty sure I had a thyroid problem (she could tell by my eyes) and that i should start taking Kelp, because my body was lacking iodine. So, I bought a bottle of Kelp supplements and took them till the bottle was half gone and then almost as promptly disregarded it. Fast forward a couple years to the time Mark and I are doing my fertility treatments with the specialist. The Doctor tells me that the best way for me to lose weight and increase the chances of conceiving is to go on something called the G.I. Diet (Glyciemic Index Diet). I nodded and agreed and like everything else, almost promptly disregarded. Moving on to the present, yesterday I had an doctors appointment and the doctor told me that...amazingly enough...my thyroid was over producing a hormone that was causing another more serious condition. Well, that was shock enough. But then, today I went for coffee with a friend, who on Sunday told me that she had something she felt to share with me.
So, today, she shares that she has battled some illnesses and treated them with natural supplements and by...wait for it....the G.I. Diet. Now, some may say that this is all a incredible coincidence. But I see more. This year, I prayed that God would show me all the things in my health that I needed to get in check so that I could lose weight, get healthy and live the life that I was meant to live! So, patient as He is, reminded me, once again of the things that he has been trying to tell me for a decade! He is so faithful! This has made me so excited for what this year holds. Pray for me this year. Pray that I don't almost promptly disregard the things that I need to do. That I have the determination and tenacity to follow through, press forward and have real success. I don't want food, weight, sickness, deficiencies or allergies to rule my life. I want to have these things under control, so that I can be free!

So its going to be....

...a little of everything! I've figured that you've all stuck with me this long, and you've been an incredible encouragement to me. This year is going to be full of adventures, challenges & changes. And I think I will just tell you about them as they come. Whatever I'm feeling at that time, I will let you know. A few things that I'm really excited about is teaching myself to cook more, learning to crochet, knit & sew and planting a small veggie & herb garden! These things I will definitely be posting about. So, thats that. Let it begin!!!!:)

What will the New Year Bring

I want this year to be better than previous years in blogland, so will you help me?
I want to know if I should change things up a bit...pick 12 themes, make each month focused on something in particular, or do certain days of the week be designated for something (example: June is Food Month or Wednesdays is Weird Fact Day etc....) or something like that.
I'm open for any suggestions!
Let me know what you think?? :)

The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose; new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes. Unless a particular man made New Year resolutions, he would make no resolutions. Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective.
~G.K. Chesterton

2010

Well, I looked back here to my 2009 New Year Ambitions. And although I accomplished lots on that list, as with most resolutions, there were some that I never got to. So, how will 2010 be different? Well, instead of 20 ambitions, I'm going to aim for 10 ambitions and 10 bonuses. Here they are, in no particular order. (Some will be re-occuring from last year)

:
1. Read through the bible (using this plan)
2. Get fit with Mark (we are working on a food and exercise plan, which I will post soon)
3. Master the gluten free lifestyle
4. Finish at least 50% of my doula certification
5. Make all baby/wedding/birthday gifts.
6. Re-do our bedroom for under $100
7. Learn the ropes of being coupon savvy.
8. Grow a legitimate Veg/Herb garden (using this as my guide)
9. Learn more guitar chords
10. Get more talent in the kitchen

:
1. Learn to crochet/knit/sew
2. Make my family new christmas stockings
3. Order online or make all gifts for next christmas before December
4. Read more books from all genres
5. Get a full, real photoshoot with Mark and I.
6. Get my doula bag accessories (most found here)
7. Make book reading plan (trying to expand my horizons...lol...classics, non-fiction, etc...)
8. Make a Valentines "20 Ways We Make Our Marriage Work" video with Mark
9. Go Camping
10. Go to to K-Town to visit family & friends more!

Our Christmas

Well, our christmas was awesome! Christmas eve was spent with our new-ish extended family at their house, where we had SO MUCH food and played the funniest game of Balderdash ever! Then we went back to my parents and opened up our PJ's and one other gift. Then we headed to bed (around 2 or 3). The next day, we opened our gifts, had an incredible breakfast (GF waffles, sausage, eggs, bacon..YUMM!), then Leah & Ryan headed up to Ryan's family's to open gifts with them. So, Dad, Mom, Mark & I went for a walk around the neighborhood...it was beautiful! Then we came home and played Logos (one of my gifts) and then Ryan, Leah & Ryan's family came over for Christmas Dinner...which was AMAZING!!!!! Then we all hung out and played games.
It was a great christmas!! Hope yours was too!

May you find the Joy of Jesus this Christmas and that the
Light of the Word is your reason for celebration!


Be Blessed!!!
See you in 2010!

Christmas Recipes

These are the things that I am making tomorrow for my contribution to the Christmas Eve appies & Christmas Dinner:


Cheesy Corn Bites

• 8 ounces cream cheese, at room temperature
• 1 cup shredded pepper jack cheese
• 1 large egg
• 1/2 cup frozen corn kernels
• 48 scoop-shaped tortilla chips (one 10-ounce bag)
• Chopped chives or cilantro, for sprinkling

Preheat the oven to 350°. In a large bowl, mix the cream cheese, pepper jack cheese, egg and corn.
2. Arrange the chips on a large rimmed baking sheet and place 1 teaspoon corn mixture in each. Bake until the filling sets, about 20 minutes.
3. Sprinkle the corn bites with the chives; serve warm.



Flourless Chocolate Cake

• 4 (1 ounce) squares semisweet chocolate, chopped
• 1/2 cup butter
• 3/4 cup white sugar
• 1/2 cup cocoa powder
• 3 eggs, beaten
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 300 degrees F (150 degrees C). Grease an 8 inch round cake pan, and dust with cocoa powder.

1. In the top of a double boiler over lightly simmering water, melt chocolate and butter. Remove from heat, and stir in sugar, cocoa powder, eggs, and vanilla. Pour into prepared pan.
2. Bake in preheated oven for 30 minutes. Let cool in pan for 10 minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack and cool completely. Slices can also be reheated for 20 to 30 seconds in the microwave before serving.

Honey Garlic Sticky Wings

• 24 chicken wings, split and tips discarded
• 3/4 cup packed brown sugar
• 5 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 teaspoon minced fresh ginger root
• 2 1/2 cups water
• 5 tablespoons honey
• 1/4 cup reduced-sodium soy sauce
• 3 tablespoons cornstarch
• 3/4 cup water

Preheat an oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).
Arrange the chicken wings on a baking sheet; bake until crisp, 35 to 45 minutes. Transfer the wings to a baking dish.
Mix together the brown sugar, garlic, ginger, 2 1/2 cups water, honey, and soy sauce in a saucepan over medium-high heat; bring to a boil. Whisk together the cornstarch and 3/4 cup water in a small bowl; stir into the sauce mixture until thickened; pour over the chicken wings to coat.
Return wings to oven and bake until the sauce is bubbling and the chicken is no longer pink at the bone and the juices run clear, 15 to 20 minutes.


Broccoli Salad

• 8 slices bacon
  
• 1 large head broccoli, cut into florets
• 1 cup mayo
  
• 2 tblsp.vinegar
• 1/4 cup sugar
  
• small handful of slivered almonds, toasted
• small handful of sunflower seeds
  
• 1/2 cup raisins
  

Fry bacon until crispy, drain grease and set aside.Cut up broccoli flowerettes into bite-sized pieces, leaving just a little stem. Cut up enough for about 4 cups of flowerettes. Mix vinegar sugar & mayo in seperate bowl. Add to broccoli. Mix in nuts, raisins, & bacon. Serve.


Hot Mushroom dip

• 2 tbps butter
• 1 minced garlic clove
• 3 cups chopped fresh white mushrooms
• 8oz block cream cheese cut into 8 pieces
• 1/2 tsp seasoning salt
• 1/2 tsp dill weed
• Heavy sprinkle freshly ground pepper
• 1 1/2 cups pre-grated Jack cheese (plain or with Jalepeno if you like spice)
  
• 1/2 cup real mayo
• Sliced mushrooms and chopped scallions for garnish.

Melt butter in large frying pan on medium. Add onion, garlic and chopped mushrooms. Cook for about 10 minutes until liquid is evaprated and mushrooms are golden. Remove from heat.
Add next 4 ingredients. Stil until cream cheese is melted.
Add Jack cheese and mayo. Mix well. Spread in ungreased 9in pie plate or shallow casserole (side note - PC Stone works great cause it keeps it warmer for longer). Bake in 350 oven for about 30 minutes until heated through.
Sprinkle with sliced mushrooms and chopped scallions.

"For my eyes have seen..."

This in one of my all time favorite pieces of art. And every christmas, I think of it again & again.
The story is of Simeon....

Luke 2- "When the time of their purification according to the Law of Moses had been completed, Joseph and Mary took him to Jerusalem to present him to the Lord..."Every firstborn male is to be consecrated to the Lord", and to offer a sacrifice in keeping with what is said in the Law of the Lord: "a pair of doves or two young pigeons." Now there was a man in Jerusalem called Simeon, who was righteous and devout. He was waiting for the consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was upon him. It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not die before he had seen the Lord's Christ. Moved by the Spirit, he went into the temple courts. When the parents brought in the child Jesus to do for him what the custom of the Law required, Simeon took him in his arms and praised God, saying:

"Sovereign Lord, as you have promised, you now dismiss your servant in peace.
For my eyes have seen your salvation,which you have prepared in the sight of all people,
a light for revelation to the Gentiles and for glory to your people Israel."

The child's father and mother marveled at what was said about him. "

There are 2 things that I LOVE about this passage...

1. Mary and Joseph brought the poor mans offering (a pair of doves or pigeons) and yet they had the sacrifice that would redeem the world!

2. When Simeon held the baby Jesus in his arms, he says, " For my eyes have seen your salvation!"

Imagine Simeon growing up, hearing the stories and songs of a Deliverer that was coming! That there would be a Redeemer that would change history, that would blot out sin & take the penalty of death in his place!

Then imagine holding out for the possibility that you might see him ("waiting for the consolation of Israel") And right before you die, you hold that Redeemer in your arms.

Ron Dicianni perfectly captured what I think Simeon might have looked like as he held Jesus in His arms, totally in awe....His Savior had come!

Its so bizarre. This year I'm having to force myself into the Christmas Spirit. And by the Christmas Spirit, I mean the frantic, shopping/wrapping/decorating/baking madness that usually comes naturally and promptly on Nov.1st. I still love this time of year. I love the focus of family, the emphasis on blessing others & the celebration of our Saviour. It is not because I am sad, depressed or oozing 29 yr. old angst, which I'm not (i know, shocker!! ). I just feel on the outside looking in this year. I know, so bizarre, right? I am excited to give the gifts, excited to be with my family and have fun, but something seems a bit off. Any thoughts on this weird phenomenon?

Projects & Wrapping...

These are my projects for next year:




These are a few things I am doing this year for my gift wrapping....





p.s. I posted the link for our Anniversary Blog! :)

"Precious in His sight, is the death of His saints"- Psalm 116:15




This is my grandma, who went "Home" yesterday at the age of 89.
She was a single mother to my dad & his older brother and sister.
She faithfully played bridge.
She loved the unloveable, which manifested in her taking in single moms, rejects, addicts etc... often and caring for them.
She was independant, honorable, educated, hard working.
She had the most beautiful hands. I used to sit on her lap when I was little, and I would run my fingers over her hands, following the wrinkles and veins, as she sang, Toora-Loora-Loo-Ral.
She wanted the best for her family.
She loved her grandchildren.
She raised a son, who became the best father.

I miss you already!

Have you ever thought that you wanted something so bad that you thought you would die if you couldn't have it. Or that you were somehow overlooked.

Thats how I've been most of my marriage. I thought that if I didn't get pregnant that somehow I would cease to exist. That the right of passage into real womanhood was conceiving and having a perfect little family!

I was very, very wrong.

This is one of the most difficult posts I have ever written.

I'm struggling even now to put words together.

Please bear with me....

I have been selfish & completely consumed with getting my own way. I have shook my fist at God so many times, that I am embarrassed to put a number down. I have walked around with the attitude that somehow God owed me something. And then when it didn't happen, I searched every part of my life to find the thing that God was punishing me for. I have become severely insecure about having a baby. I have grieved at others joy. I have felt jealousy, anger, bitterness & hopelessness. I have walked around in this little bubble and caused all who love me to feel they need to walk with trepidation for fear of me becoming a hysterical mess. I have cared more about my own feelings, than of everyones around me.

I am ashamed.

I am so sorry to you who've treaded lightly in telling me or not rejoiced in front of me because of being pregnant or wanting a baby.
I am so sorry to you who've come to encourage me, and I have secretly been offended with you.
I am so sorry that I have held resentment against so many people who have just wanted to love me through this time.

"...all things work together for good."

We are walking through a dark, lonely, & frightening valley right now that is infinitely harder than infertility has ever been. It seems to choke the life from our bodies, to suck the air from our lungs & when we begin to stand, it beats us within an inch of death. God has a plan, but right now, we cannot see it.

"...faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

Today I told God (more than once), 'I would give up my womb forever if you would....'

But, again, my view of God is wrong. Maybe somehow I can make a sacrafice that would make Him change His mind?

I am, because He is! He is the God of promises, of miracles! He is the God who is faithful when I am not, forgives when I don't, heals when I don't deserve it & made the only sacrafice that was needed. I am whole, not because I may someday be a mother, not because I can gain His acceptance and be shown favor because of my great achievements. Not because I have anything worth saving, but because I am HIS! He has rescued me from the grave. He has adopted me, redeemed me, changed me & transformed me!

But He is also the God of the valley. He is the God who refines with fire. He crushes so that fragrance will come. When I came to Him, He promised to not leave me the way I was. And now, I question His work.

"...Does the clay say to the potter, 'What are you making?' "

I don't know why its so hard to trust Him. You'd think surrendering to an omnipotent, omniscient God would be easier. Yet, here I am with a death grip on the reins.

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers,
They will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze...For I am the LORD, your God"

I can walk wherever He leads. Not because I have what it takes. But because He is all I need!

Even as I wrote this, a verse that a beautiful friend shared with us rang again in my heart,

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."-1 Corinthians 4:18

Thanks for reading, thanks for loving me through my ups and downs, through my craziness, valleys & mountain tops. And most of all, thanks for pointing me to the One who gets me better than anyone!